Attempted Chili for Impending Bombogenesis


  • 2 lbs of ground beef (or, if your Trader Joe's is empty and everyone is panicking, a different kind of beef that you can cut into small chunks)
  • 30ish oz crushed/diced/whatever tomatoes
  • 30ish oz white kidney beans
  • 15ish oz tomato sauce
  • 2 chopped onions (or, in case of aforementioned Trader Joe's issue, one 4.25oz jar of chopped shallots)
  • 2 cups beef broth
  • 1 tablespoon + 2 teaspoons chili powder
  • 1 tablespoon ground cumin
  • 2 tablespoons unsweetened cocoa powder
  • 1 teaspoon cayenne pepper
  • 1 teaspoon dried oregano
  • "3" (6) cloves of garlic, minced
  • Sour cream
  • Shredded cheese

Brown beef on stove. Combine all ingredients into crock pot. Cook on high for four hours. Add poached egg if you're really fancy. Otherwise, add sour cream and cheese as desired.


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